baby boners and such

danny brought home a pack of huggies brand diapers because i sent him to the store with the instructions to "get whatever size 3". i've been using costco brand because they are something like negative 3 cents a diaper. for a HUGE pack. i'm talking, you could soak up the peeps and poops of the jolie-pitts for the next year and STILL have some leftover.  i swear they pay YOU to use them.  HI-YO!!!! is this thing on? 

anyway, they suck. not the jolie-pitts; the diapers. i'm sure the jolie-pitts are a surprisingly down to earth family.  i AM, however, annoyed at the number of times i've used "jolie-pitt" in this post thus far. they ain't married and the lord knows that just 'cuz them colored children bear brad's last name, don't in any way no how make it rosy in the eyes of the lord.  ye cain't jus put no powder and paint and smoke and mirrors on mary magdalene and call her a saint. deep down she's still a twice married, knife collecting, blood -bejeweled, billy-bob frenchin' WHORE. 

so as i was saying, huggies are a baaaaaad diaper. the last 5 nights in a row, dane has woken up for his early morning boobage SOAKED  through his flammable walmart pajamas. SOAKED THROUGH. and fellow moms out there (and dads and nannies and grandmas and godfathers and grampas and godmothers and cousins who may have babysat in the past and teens who have experience with kids) KNOW that having to change your sleepy, hungry baby out of not only his pj's but his godforsaken onesie that is a 9 months when he's really wearing 12 months which in turn makes taking it over his head make him look like he's joan rivers 5 facelifts from now AIN'T fun. 

today i changed dane from his pee laden polyester and uh, ok, it WAS the morning and uh, he WAS in a jolly mood and uh, he DOES  have a beautiful mommy so he had a baby boner. a wee chubby. a tiny pig in a blanket without the blanket. a mini erector set. a morning twig. a hard-ly on. (that last one was good, C'MON!) so i put on his huggies brand baaaaaaaaad diaper and i was  holding him on my hip and i feel a warm sensation spreading throughout my tee shirt. he was PEEING ON HIS MOMMY. i mean, he was wearing the thing for 2 minutes! 

i heard that some bloggers who complain about something or praise something actually get shit SENT to them.  i'm crossing my fingers for that mini erector set.