ick

it's one of those mornings where i'm feeling CRAPPY.  flabby, teary, overwhelmed by laundry, baby won't nap...at all. how the dickens does a small family create so much effing LAUNDRY? and it's dreary as hell outside and i can't walk anywhere or drive anywhere because we are a one car household. 

and i can't be bothered to put on a bra. if that sounds hot, i assure you it's not.

lazy sunday

after getting up with dane first thing in the a.m. and feeling OH SO VERY TIRED, danny shuffled on out to the living room and said the 4 words every mommy loves to hear:

go back to bed.

aaaahhhhh, heaven on earth. i didn't even PRETEND to protest. i crawled right back into bed under those soft fluffy covers and SLEPT.  then an hour later danny comes in and says dane is acting sleepy but won't settle in his crib so he brings him in bed. dane fights it and fights it by crawling all over us and headbutting us and being generally AMAZINGLY ADORABLE and the 3 of us snuggle and cuddle till he finally gives in and sleeps. dane and i wake up an hour and a half later to the smell of "danny's special eggs" and have a lovely breakfast.

i love my husband.

why i love hood river

it is one of those perfect fall days today so dane, ally and i head to the little park down the street for some swinging. ew. now i have unclean images of little baby swingers. ew. 

anywhooooo, dane is in the swing and there are two older boys swinging as well. i'm kind of listening to their conversation and it goes like this:

kid 1: i think we should have girls there.

kid 2: i really don't think my grandma would like that very much.

cute. i didn't even really say hi to them when i walked up because i just assume that i am the epitome of uncool what with my kid and my mom outfit. (which, by the way,  is an "exercise" type of outfit except that i don't "exercise". period. i actually had on a cute outfit earlier. i mean cute for hood river but it was, how do you say? TIGHT. good lord i need to put that "exercise" outfit to use the way the lord intended it.)

so, i was pleasantly surprised when the kid turned to me and said, "hi! i'm cody and this is cyrus."

how freaking polite and adorable and UNUSUAL for an 11 year old kid, right? he said, "what's your name?" and "who's the little guy? he's cute." and "i'm 11 and live on prospect in the big stone house and cyrus lives on prospect in the big log house." etc... etc... i pretended to know which houses they spoke of to make them feel good or something. and they freaked out in a good way when i told him his name was DANGER.  it made me fast forward to when dane's 11 and his friends will for SURE  be calling him that.  i had a totally nice conversation with 2 pre-teen boys which THEY initiated. 

and that is one of the bajillion reasons i love hood river, oregon. 

oopsie

danny and i have developed a way in which we can help dane sleep through the night. it's called "turn the fan on high and close the door". well, it really works because he has been "sleeping through the night" for a little while now. this morning, however, i wake up feeling like something is wrong. it feels like i overslept. it feels like 8:00 rather than the usual 6:45. i turn off the fan and sure enough i hear dane crying. he's crying his "i really mean it, i am very upset" cry which is a closed mouth "mmmmmmmm" "mmmmmmmm" gasp "mmmmmmm", etc...

it was actually 8:15. yikes. poor baby. i nursed him and he fell asleep on the boob which he hasn't done since infancy and is continuing to sleep even now...at 9:10. 

must remember to keep door open. 

thinkin

having a kid is awesome because you can talk to yourself. like today, while at target, i chatted to "dane" the whole time. 

"$59.99??!! what the fuckballs! i don't care if anna sui designed it, it's not fair! it's TARGET FOR THE LOVE OF NANCY! oh, but it IS cute..."

a delightful day

so danny is away for the week and dane and i have been taking advantage of having the car. today it was babies r us to spend a gift card which i did. all of it. and it was...how do you say...ALOT. granted, it wasn't just winter clothes. we got a baby gate.  blah. boring. yeah yeah, i know. we NEED one of those, i guess, but i was getting pretty good at sensing when he got to the top of the staircase. it usually happened around cup #3 of coffee and page 4 of perez. i'm KIDDING. 

so after babies were us, we were on our way to target but i was all of a sudden starving. really i can't tell you what possessed me to say this to myself:

 "olive garden! i MUST eat there. NOW!"

what? huh? 

the first and last time i ate at the olive garden was when i was 19 and was on a date with donny ernokovich and i wore a...hmm...i'm trying to think about how to describe such an outfit.  well, it was a onesie of sorts, i suppose. it had a fitted top part with spaghetti straps and then really it should have been a dress at the bottom but unfortunately someone (perhaps by the name of mrs. the limited) thought "no! a dress is so COMMON. i shall make PANTS!!"

so that was what i was wearing when donny, in a moment of 23 year old (oh yeah! 23!)  lust, touched my belly and I WASN'T READY! do you hear me ladies? do you smell what i stepped in? no, really, what WAS that? dog crap? baby puke? when i know someone is reaching towards my mid-section, i instinctively sit up as straight as i can and suck suck suck it in. i'm pretty sure it's a universal thing.  anyway, that night ended with a raging case of "headache" a.k.a. the shits and had to have him drop me off without so much as a thank-you-for-dinner-make-out session. 

wow. good story. i really do have a gift.

today our waitress was one of those who tries just WAY too hard to immediately get familiar. and the way she tried was really non-sensical. for example, upon seeing dane enjoy the bejesus out of the breadsticks, she said, " OH! SOMEone's liking his BREADsticks! BABIES AND GARLIC! they go together like BABIES AND KITTENS!"

really? do babies go together with garlic? like do they just light up at the sight of a bulb? can they just not WAIT to get their hands on some scampi? and-don't correct me if i'm wrong but- don't kittens suck the very life breath from babies whilst they slumber? 

regardless, dane DID enjoy his breadsticks. the way he was tearing into them with his 2 bottom teeth and upper gum, i kept expecting him to start shouting at any minute, "WENCH! YES, YOU MOMMY! BRING ME MY ALE AND MUTTON,WOMAN, AND DON'T FORGET THE GARLIC, I SAY!!!!"

thinkin

i was thinking about last christmas when dane was a mere 6 days old and got to wear his "baby's first christmas" onesie. so cute. so tiny. so cheap. it got me thinking. 

why don't they make clothes that say "ADULT'S 35TH CHRISTMAS". i'd buy the dickens out of those.