a delightful day

so danny is away for the week and dane and i have been taking advantage of having the car. today it was babies r us to spend a gift card which i did. all of it. and it was...how do you say...ALOT. granted, it wasn't just winter clothes. we got a baby gate.  blah. boring. yeah yeah, i know. we NEED one of those, i guess, but i was getting pretty good at sensing when he got to the top of the staircase. it usually happened around cup #3 of coffee and page 4 of perez. i'm KIDDING. 

so after babies were us, we were on our way to target but i was all of a sudden starving. really i can't tell you what possessed me to say this to myself:

 "olive garden! i MUST eat there. NOW!"

what? huh? 

the first and last time i ate at the olive garden was when i was 19 and was on a date with donny ernokovich and i wore a...hmm...i'm trying to think about how to describe such an outfit.  well, it was a onesie of sorts, i suppose. it had a fitted top part with spaghetti straps and then really it should have been a dress at the bottom but unfortunately someone (perhaps by the name of mrs. the limited) thought "no! a dress is so COMMON. i shall make PANTS!!"

so that was what i was wearing when donny, in a moment of 23 year old (oh yeah! 23!)  lust, touched my belly and I WASN'T READY! do you hear me ladies? do you smell what i stepped in? no, really, what WAS that? dog crap? baby puke? when i know someone is reaching towards my mid-section, i instinctively sit up as straight as i can and suck suck suck it in. i'm pretty sure it's a universal thing.  anyway, that night ended with a raging case of "headache" a.k.a. the shits and had to have him drop me off without so much as a thank-you-for-dinner-make-out session. 

wow. good story. i really do have a gift.

today our waitress was one of those who tries just WAY too hard to immediately get familiar. and the way she tried was really non-sensical. for example, upon seeing dane enjoy the bejesus out of the breadsticks, she said, " OH! SOMEone's liking his BREADsticks! BABIES AND GARLIC! they go together like BABIES AND KITTENS!"

really? do babies go together with garlic? like do they just light up at the sight of a bulb? can they just not WAIT to get their hands on some scampi? and-don't correct me if i'm wrong but- don't kittens suck the very life breath from babies whilst they slumber? 

regardless, dane DID enjoy his breadsticks. the way he was tearing into them with his 2 bottom teeth and upper gum, i kept expecting him to start shouting at any minute, "WENCH! YES, YOU MOMMY! BRING ME MY ALE AND MUTTON,WOMAN, AND DON'T FORGET THE GARLIC, I SAY!!!!"