deep breaths...count to ten...

i swear to the lord sometimes i have so much rage against my dog that i want to take a a blunt object to her thick skull and put me out of my misery. after 1o months of mommyhood, being woken up by my son 82,000 times a night in the early months and now in the recent months still at least 3 times a night i CANNOT TOLERATE MY FUCKING DOG BARKING AT THE PLACE WHERE THERE ONCE WAS PIZZA TWO HOURS AGO.

none of us could get out of our jammies on sunday. it was a beautiful day here. so we went to the park in our jammies.

i didn't mean to officer, honest i didn't!

it is really crappy here. rainy and cold. so what does one do on such a day? start drinking right away? i WISH. damn kid and this responsibility. talk about BURDEN. sheesh.

no, you go to walmart OF COURSE.

so we're at the walmart and i see dane is getting sleepy so i hand him a little bear/blankey thingy which lots of people call a "lovey". i don't know why, but i just can't bring myself to call it that. there are certain words that feel forced when coming out of my mouth such as:

panties

babe (as in, "hey babe, what time is dinner?")

binky

"i want to go running"

i FULLY intended to pay for the bear blankie and even had at least 2 stern talks with myself on the subject of NOT leaving before paying for it. i was even at the mother humping checkout for one of these talks.

but dane was so sleepy and i pulled the seat cover over his wee noggin and had a nice chat with the checkout guy because he asked me how my weekend was which was a very specific question which made me reflect upon my weekend and thought about how fun it was to get pretty tipsy and by tipsy i mean super hammered while playing spanish with our awesome neighbors and and how danny realized that iphone has an app for baby monitering which is GENUIS and is going to make our dark cold winter here that much more fun because we can play drinking games all the time now at each others houses without having to worry and of COURSE we'll lock the doors if we go to our neighbors i mean, what kind of parents do you think we are except that we never got a KEY to our house when we bought it and did you know that our house used to be a brothel for real and true and...

"yep, you have a good day too! stay warm and dry! take care!"

damn. i forgot to pay for the bear.

long ago and far away

i was leafing through and old sketch pad and came across pages upon pages of dane's eating, sleeping, pooping and peeing "schedules". i did this in a desperate attempt to grasp SOME kind of pattern i could follow. those early days were BRUTAL. i saw one page where i wrote that i slept for 20 minutes. i can laugh about that now. it honestly feels like another lifetime ago and i can't believe he's only been here for ten months.

i give him a week

you like me! you really like me!

...at least i choose to think so since i haven't gotten any nasty comments...yet. thanks for reading this little ol' thing. it's been much more fun than i thought it would and i'm enjoying it very much.

so, THANKS!

glee-ful morning

i know dane is my son because he watched the whole episode of glee. he sat on my lap and literally WATCHED THE WHOLE THING.

i really do love the show but jayma mays and her really weird way of speaking KILLS me and the fact that they sing over pre-recorded tracks also bothers me greatly...but jane lynch, on the other hand makes up for it.