baby proofing

it's the hap-happiest season of all!

pansies bloom in the winter here

we went on a hike this weekend. we live in the incredible pacific northwest and really, hikes should be something non-negotiable. we should be doing these things alot. except i'm a pansy.

we get to the trail and it is about 3pm. danny has done this one before so he insists upon being the one to wear dane all the way up. he says something like, "it's a HIKE", implying that it is indeed an incline. i don't know what i was thinking but as soon as the trail began to go UP, my body began a mutiny. the voices in my head began chanting and spewing things like, "you did NOT sign up for this molly! your legs are HURTING ALREADY! IT'S ONLY GONNA GET WORSE! THIS CAN'T BE GOOD FOR YOU! IT'S GONNA GET DARK SOON! IT'S NOT EVEN PRETTY HERE. DON'T EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO GAIN ANYTHING GOOD FROM THIS BECAUSE DO YOU FEEL THAT TIGHTENING IN YOUR CHEST AND LUNGS? THAT IS GOD'S WAY OF PUNISHING YOU FOR GETTING OFF THE COUCH AND PUTTING DOWN THE US WEEKLY. YOU BELONG ON THE COUCH YOUNG WOMAN!"

this goes on for quite some time, this barrage of inner negativity. i am seriously huffing and puffing and danny is the one carrying the 19 extra pounds of love. i am such a wimp. it's embarrassing. at one point i ask danny how long we've been hiking because i'm sweating. even my HANDS are sweating and he says, "uh, maybe like 10 minutes?" and oooooh man, do those voices in my head get really riled. then danny does some half mumbled calculation of how long we've been hiking and how long till we get to the top and one point twenty one jiggawatts and space time continuum and pronounces, "i think we're a quarter of the way there."

his eyes give away that he's messing with me. instead of laughing like any NORMAL person would i get all yell-y at him with the "WHY WOULD YOU MESS WITH ME WHEN YOU CAN SEE I'M CLEARLY DYING?" and "THAT ISN'T FUNNY! IF I KNEW WE WERE ALMOST THERE I COULD MAYBE ENJOY IT KNOWING THAT THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS NEVER-ENDING GODFORSAKEN NO MAN'S LAND OF A TRAIL!" and "I'M THIRSTY!"

we made it to the top soon after my ranting ended and it really was beautiful and worth it until danny decided we needed to find a "fetching stick" for ally. didn't we just walk through a FOREST? so he continued on for what seemed like another 2 hours and 16 miles to find a "fetching stick" for his beloved. and by the way, our dog does NOT fetch and i didn't believe this mission to find a "fetching stick" to be one of any importance whatsoever until lo and behold, she fetched. not just once but like 6 times. a true record for the most non-dog dog there e'er was.

then dane decided to hate nature, hiking, cold weather, his mom, his dad, his non dog dog and his 18 layers of patagonia fleece. we high-tailed it down the mountain thinking that he was just getting too cold and/or bored with all the fetching business. moving did not help. there was a steady stream of snot pouring out of his nose and his cheeks were frozen and his hands were frozen and he cried cried cried like i have never heard. it seemed to take twice as long to get down that mountain. once the car was in sight, i knew he'd be fine. we'd get him cozied up in the car seat and crank the heat and give him a bottle and he'd be back to his normal delightful self but no. he had worked himself up so much that i actually had to hold him and shshshshsh him all the way home. what a pansy.

waxing nostalgic for a minute

so with the big holiday fast approaching i am swept up in a haze of nostalgia. we haven't decorated this year because we are going back east for the actual day and i figured dane is too little to care whether or not mommy and daddy put up a tree. at least that's what i'm hoping. maybe secretly he is angry and is plotting his escape to go live with our more christmasy spirited neighbors, jess and kyle. they have, in their words. "griswalded the shit" out of their house. except they have a really menacing looking santa perched in their second floor window which they "found on the side of a road somewhere". it's creepy. but it makes me like them even more, if possible.

one christmas sticks out in my head. it was, i think, 1983, during the days when our entire family on our dad's side would get together at our aunt greta's and uncle boomer's house in falls church, va. it was non-negotiable. no one ever said, "you know, i really don't feel like it this year. let's just stay home." we never missed it. and i'm sure for my folks it wasn't the easiest task prying the gifts out of our greedy, maple-syrupy hands, getting our act together and hitting the road for an hour and a half drive (often in the snow, those days). but once we got there all the kids would high tail it into the basement for some rough-housing, sparing us the boring grown-up conversations. that is, of course, until it was time to eat and play charades, the latter always involving MASSIVE amounts of cheating from the men in the lahr family...there was for SURE army crawling into the ladies area to eavesdrop on charade ideas thus resulting in the men guessing the charade in one word or less.

each year at thanksgiving we would draw names for the exchanging of christmas gifts. this was a brilliant idea. just when the soul-crushing depression hits when you think there are no more gifts to open, you are hit with a lightning bolt of pure joy when you remember that there, is in fact, ONE MORE PRESENT!!

so this particular year, my name was drawn by my infamous uncle dick. he was my dad's older brother. he was a tornado of a human, as i remember. he was the guy who would show up at our house at 3 in the morning banging pots and pans together to announce his arrival. he was an amazing cook; making duck a l'orange for my mom and dad. the image of him playing air saxaphone with his pants halfway off his butt always sticks with me. that sounds weird but it was funny. always funny. so when i found out that he had drawn my name, i was cautiously optimistic. maybe he had somehow talked to my mom and dad in preparation for this event! maybe he knows that all i ever want are dolls! dolls dolls dolls! ok, or yeah, i mean i'd TAKE a stuffed animal. it's not like i'd be RUDE or anything. or maybe he found out i loved esprit clothes! finally, it was my turn to receive. it was a small box. ok, ok that's good! maybe it's a bracelet or necklace or jewelry of any kind! better yet, maybe it's a miniature! (i was obsessed with mini stuff) (still am). so i open it and it's a...wait for it...

pocket knife.

yep. not even a kitchy girly one. just a small red swiss army knife. i mean, he might as well have gotten me a book on the history of math. pretty much the worst present for 9 year old molly. ever. of course everyone thought it was hilarious and started laughing so i, of course, laughed too, trying to pretend like he didn't just RUIN my bonus christmas and thanked him with a hug.

looking back, i realize that was a pretty brilliant move and totally in character for uncle dick. sadly, he is not with us anymore. he died shortly after that christmas and i often wish i could tell him that story from my perspective and laugh with him about it.

that christmas was a great time in life. pre-divorce, care-free, and lots and lots of love and laughter. man, i've been blessed and i love my family.

this is a happy boy

i like his face

history not repeating itself

i cannot believe what a good eater dane is. it is such a freedom to not have to struggle, coerce or cajole him into eating. it's fun taking him to restaurants because number one; he can't walk yet so he doesn't realize all the fun he could be getting into and two; he eats whatever we eat. i'm talking french onion soup, cheeseburgers, japanese noodles, veggie burgers and the list goes on.

it is the opposite of me when i was little. i remember actually being stressed out when dinner would be put on the table. one time i refused to eat my dinner and my mother made me sit at the table till bedtime and then put the dinner into the fridge until the next day when the cycle would begin again. me not eating, her steely cold eyes upon me, me still not eating, staring at the cold grey lumpiness of old dinner. i also remember a birthday party where there was a carousel and soooo many gifts and my mother made me give away all of them to poor kids. and then there was that one day when she found wire hangers in my closet and she called me very calmly and said, "chrisTINE...what are these wire hangers doing in your closet? WHAT did mommie say? NO. MORE. WIRE. HANGERS. EVEEEEEEEEEEER!!!"

oh wait. that wasn't my life. that was "mommie dearest". i forgot.